Unable to establish a working relationship between man and beast (like the Raiders’ special teams pigeon), a fed up San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili reminded a bat flying around AT&T Center Saturday night that it was not in the current lineup and needed to GTFO. Not much is known about the bat itself, except that it marks the first time* an NBA game has been delayed due to a bat playing the 6th man of a box-and-one zone. Is it just coincidence then, that the bat chose to take part in the Spurs’ Halloween home game? It seems pretty obvious to me. That was definitely no bat. It was a stone cold vampire!
Manu knocked out that little rodent with such skill, I was tempted to double-check his NBA profile to make sure that Ginobili wasn’s just a nickname disguising his birth-name of Manu Van Helsing! Despite his lack of an established vampire-killing name, I can only assume that his Argentinian upbringing gives him some super-vampire-hunting-skills that us Americans just don’t have. After recognizing this fact, I took the time to compile a list for him of several more annoying vampires that I wouldn’t mind if he “took care of” next.
- Edward Cullen
- Count Chocula
- Grandpa from the Munsters
- Anyone from True Blood
- That kid at the mall that wears black lipstick, hoping to be identified by shoppers as “counter-culture”
I feel like my hands are tied here. I pretty much have to hand the man 5 X‘s for his effort. His bat-hunting technique was close to flawless, though as professional entertainer, he should’ve gone a little Ozzy Osbourne-esque and bit the head off the bat, right at the free throw line. PETA would’ve gone even more crazy than they already did, and that would’ve earned Manu full marks.